My Exploding Cat

Just stories and drawings really, no actual fissile felines.

Blog, 8/22/2013

Somebody wrote this post on SparkLife, supporting 20 “good things” about going back to school. Bailey_Swilley, I’d like to know what antidepressant you’re taking, or, if not, whether you are going to Hogwarts, because I’m pretty sure those are the only two options. Here’s her post. (Link: http://community.sparknotes.com/2013/08/15/20-of-the-best-things-about-going-back-to-school)

1. NEW SCHOOL SUPPLIES. ‘Nuff said.

2. Your favorite fall TV shows will come back on to help you unwind after hours of homework.

3. Speaking of homework, think of all the summer chores you can now get out of in order to focus on your studies.

4. Seeing your long-lost friends again! “Hey, where were you guys!?”

5. Choosing your classes and arranging your class schedule. It’s your party, you can do what you want. It’s your schedule, you can take what you want. Oooooh-woooooo…

6. Fall play auditions. “Everything’s comin’ up ROSES!!!!”

7. School lunches! Don’t lie—you know you missed Taco Tuesdays and Fish Fridays.

8. Posters! The school is always plastered  with posters and flyers advertising all your favorite activities and events. It’s like eye candy with dates and times!

9. New textbooks and what you’ll cover them with. Are you going old-school with paper bags? Are you putting book socks on them? Stickers? Doodles!? WHAT WILL YOU DECIDE!?!

10. DECORATING YOUR LOCKER with photos of your stellar summer trip, cute dog, and biffles.

11. Getting to know all your teachers and deciding who’s going to be your fave and who you’re going to have to work for.

12. Picking your outfits for the entire first week of class!

13. After-school practice/gym sessions. Work out all that calculus aggression you have!

14. Showing off your knowledge of the summer reading list, especially when a bunch of your peers didn’t even crack open their books.

15.  Coffee shop brain trusts! Sipping up some java juice with your pals while cramming for your dreaded physics test makes studying not so dreadful after all.

16. Spirit week! Dressing up, dressing down, and generally looking like a loon all in the name of school spirit can be pretty satisfying.

17. If you have nothing to do on a Friday night, you can be sure that there’s still an exciting football game to check out.

18. Your best school friends are all back and now you can finally discuss your favorite viral vids and songs of the summer. And see if any of you dug up some unheard-of gems.

19. Figuring out which clubs and committees will be graced by your awesome presence this year. No matter who you choose, they will be lucky to have you. And don’t forget it!

20. Pep rallies. If you’re not already amped for this year, at least your school will try its best to pump you up for the year.

What do you love about going back to school?

 

Now, Bailey, optimism is great and all. But here’s my response to this little sheet of yours.

1. Oh. Well. I might be completely stressed, sleep-deprived, and undernourished due to having to survive off the sole sustenance of Pop-Tarts because of the nature of school food, but maybe I have a folder with a Sharpie chinchilla on it and that makes it all okay.

2. Have you heard of Netflix?

3. Let’s see: reloading dishwasher takes, oh, fifteen minutes. Idiotic Latin translation of “France is in Europe. France is not in Africa. Where is France? France is in Europe. Is France in Africa? No, France is in Europe” takes an hour, because it’s that long.

4. There is one assumption in this sentence. It’s that I have friends at school. I don’t. I have some acquaintances, but the people I end up knowing well by the end of the year always manage to be seniors (or I move away from the school). My friends are on the Internet, apart from my bestie, and school means I see them less rather than more.

5. My counselor hates me. She lied to me at the end of last year, telling me my schedule was perfect and I had everything I wanted (in order to avoid me). Then she made it so I was the last student she “helped” (she actually told me this), and is still trying to deal as little as possible with me. My schedule still isn’t fixed. Not to mention that the school system’s insistence on putting bright teenagers into stupid classes is the reason I’m getting a GED–and I’ve had to jump through months’ worth of (mainly futile) hoops to get this far.

6. …No. I could talk about my freshman-year Drama play manager teacher lady… but it’s kind of a long and discouraging story, if this post isn’t already.

7. Do you really want to know what the school lunches are like? They make me physically sick if I pick the wrong thing and I have to stay home from school.

8. I saw a poster earlier today advertising the “Fresman Dance.” Apparently, the theme is “Swagtastic Luau.” I’m not making this up.

9. My two textbooks are paperback. One is a Latin book that has seen better centuries. The other is a Java textbook written by the kind of businessperson who thinks that PowerPoints are actually educational. (It’s useless.)

10. Who actually uses their locker?

11. More like making careful psychological profiles of them to be sure you’re safe. The Java teacher is an ENTJ–she’s no problem, it’s a good type for someone in her line of work and department–but I think the octogenarian Classical Languages teacher holds some odd stereotypes about me due to my recently-acquired blue hair. And the art teachers… well, they’re generally good teachers, but sometimes I think they’re either drinking too much coffee or not enough. Even so, if you can be a high school teacher for any length of time and not have a grudge against life, you’re impressive.

12. If you still pick out all your first-week outfits, you’re trying too hard. I would posit that this is due to cognitive dissonance. In fact, I would posit that this entire post is due to cognitive dissonance.

13. I hate the gym. So much. And if I ever suggest taking Calculus… tell my family I love them.

14. Our school doesn’t even try to give us a summer reading list. Somebody in the administration knows the students too well for that to happen.

15. Those… never work.

16. Yes, I love being dragged out of my irritating class all the way to a more-irritating pep rally. Multiple times.

17. Heh. Heheh. Heheheheheheh. Football? Was this addressed to someone else? No. Just… no.

18. Again: friends?

19. Let’s see: there’s Key Club, population 2, or Girls Learn International, where nobody actually understands why they’re there, or the greenie club, which basically does nothing but take out the recycling, or the animal rights club, which I’m not going anywhere near because of the posters. The foreign language clubs have mysteriously disappeared, and art club may not be a good choice because I’m already being forced to produce art en masse.

20. OH PLEASE NO LET ME GOOOOOOOOOO *is dragged away by her feet*

 

Optimism is okay… as long as it can’t be renamed as foolishness.

This entry was posted on Thursday, August 22nd, 2013 at 9:34 pm and is filed under Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Leave a Reply





XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>